Let’s be honest—talking about money with your partner isn’t always fun. In fact, for a lot of couples, it’s one of the most uncomfortable topics on the table. You bring up a budget, and suddenly someone’s looking for the nearest exit. You mention debt, and the room gets quiet. Sound familiar?
If your partner hates talking about money, you’re not alone. But avoiding the topic doesn’t make the stress go away—it just lets it fester under the surface until it turns into resentment, anxiety, or worse…a really awkward fight about who left the thermostat at 68° during this recent heat wave.
So what do you do when you’re the money nerd in the relationship and they’re just not interested?
Let’s break it down 👇
🤐 Why do some people shut down around money?
There are a bunch of reasons your partner might avoid money conversations:
- Upbringing: If they grew up in a household where money was tight, stressful, or never discussed, it might feel taboo.
- Shame: Debt, overspending, or simply not understanding finances can make someone feel embarrassed.
- Different priorities: They might not see the value in budgeting or planning ahead if they’re focused on enjoying the moment.
- Avoidance as a coping tool: For some people, ignoring money feels safer than confronting it.
Knowing the why doesn’t fix everything but it helps you lead with empathy instead of frustration.
👫 Step 1: Start with shared goals, not spreadsheets
You might want to pull up the latest net worth tracker, but here’s a secret: Most people don’t want a surprise budget meeting after dinner.
Instead, try this:
“I’ve been thinking a lot about what we want in the next few years. Do you ever think about taking that trip to Italy? Or owning a home one day? ”
Talking about dreams is less threatening than diving into numbers. And eventually, every dream has a price tag which gives you a natural way to start talking money together.
🧘♀️ Step 2: Keep it low-pressure and bite-sized
You don’t need to solve everything in one conversation. Try these micro-conversations:
- “Do you feel good about how we split expenses?”
- “Would you ever want to retire early?”
- “Should we look at our subscriptions together sometime?”
No lectures. No PowerPoints. Just curiosity and consistency.
🛑 Step 3: Create safe zones
If every money chat turns into a fight, it’s time to reset the tone.
- Pick a neutral time: Not when someone just got home from work or after a big purchase.
- Agree on ground rules: No blame, no shame.
- Celebrate progress: Even small wins like reviewing one account together or agreeing on a joint savings goal.
This isn’t about one person being “right”—it’s about becoming a team.
🧰📲 Step 4: Use tools that do the talking for you
Sometimes the best conversation starter…isn’t a conversation. It’s a shared app, a visual goal tracker, or a written plan. Let the tools do the heavy lifting .
Apps like Monarch, YNAB, or even a simple Google Sheet can help you both stay in the loop without daily money talks . Want a shortcut? Try setting a weekly “money check-in” with snacks or coffee to make it feel less like a chore.
🤝 Step 5: Know when to get help
If money avoidance is hurting your relationship, don’t be afraid to bring in a neutral third party. That might be a financial coach (hey there 👋), a therapist , or even a couple’s money course.
Sometimes the best way forward is having someone else in your corner—especially when you’re tired of doing it alone.
✅ Bottom line
Money doesn’t have to be the thing that pulls you apart—it can be the thing that brings you closer . But it takes patience, practice, and a whole lot of grace.
If you’re the one leading the charge, thank you. You’re doing important work, even if it’s slow going. Just remember: progress > perfection.
👉 Want help getting on the same page with your partner? We’ve got tools, templates, and coaching to make it easier—let’s make money feel less messy.
Your Money Mark 